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| Favorite Trivia – REPARTEE |
| Sarah Bernhardt wrote Eleanora Duse a little note to send backstage: “Sarah Bernhardt says Eleanora Duse is a great actress.”
Eleanora Duse, who was busy changing for the next act, had no time to reply, so she added two commas to the note and returned it: “Sarah Berhardt, says Eleanora Duse, is a great actress.” Louis L’amour’s autobiography |
| When Johnny’s Mom told him she was disappointed with her pulmonary fibrosis doctor, Johnny looked up doctors in Richmond online and found a pulmonary doctor at MCV who was highly recommended by a member of the pulmonary fibrosis society. Johnny called his Dad and gave him the doctor’s number to call.
Johnny’s Dad complained, “MCV is too far away.” “Dad,” Johnny reckoned, “it’s a lot closer than heaven.” |
| I told Johnny that people should bless you when you fart like they do when you sneeze.
Johnny said, “No, they should curse you.” |
| Bathroom wall at MCV dental:
“I love Richard” “He don’t love U” “Learn English, it’s doesn’t!” “Have tack!” “Learn to spell, it’s tact” |
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When a beautiful, barely clad girl walked by Johnny and me while hiking Runyon Canyon, I joked, “Go ahead, you can turn around and look at her.” |
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I was getting ready to pull out of a prime parking spot at the mall. A guy sees me and asks, “Are you leaving?” “Yes,” I replied, waited a beat and said, “In about 10 minutes.” He looked at me incredulously, not knowing whether I was serious or not. “Just jesting,” I said grinning as I backed out to let him in. |
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accuracy: To a newspaper what virtue is to a lady – Joseph Pulitzer But a newspaper can always print a retraction – Adlai Stevenson Webster’s Unafraid Dictionary: Defiant Definitive Put-Downs – Leonard Louis Levinson |
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I told Johnny I spent most the day sniffling and baking as a result of my cold. Johnny said, “What’d you make, snot drops?” |
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Patty to Johnny: “Every day I get with you is a bonus.” Johnny to Patty: “Every day I get with you I get a boner.” |
| Johnny’s Dad had recently injured a rib leaning out their condo window too far. While Johnny is talking to him on the phone about going to the doctor, he hears his Mom in the background yell: “What’s the doctor going to be able to do about a cracked rib?”
Johnny’s Dad joked, “I’m going to have him take the rib out and make me another woman!” |
| Johnny asks, “What are you writing?”
I proudly proclaim: “Photography allows me to create my own art.” “So does Mr. Bubbles,” Johnny retorts, bursting mine. |
| Patty to Johnny regarding a construction punchwalk: “The contractor didn’t pre-punch before our re-punch.”
Johnny to Patty: “That means someone needs a Hawaiian punch!” |
| On our walk one night, I cautioned Johnny, “Get over, a car’s coming.” But then realizing it was a helicopter, I said, “Oh never mind, it’s a helicopter, not a car.”
To which Johnny cautioned, “duck!” and quickly crouched down. |
| When Johnny farted on our walk, I said, “What kind of retort was that?”
Johnny riposted, “That wasn’t a retort, that was a rebuttal!” |
| I told Johnny I bought him a coffee cup holder to adhere to his dash.
He said, “So when I’m dashing, I won’t be splashing.” “Yes,” I said, “So when you’re not sipping, you’ll not be dripping.” |
| LaBoeuf: “You do not think much of me, do you, Cogburn?”
Cogburn: “I don’t think about you at all when your mouth is closed.” Charles Portis – True Grit |
| We loaded Rene and Kiyo up with figs from Harry’s trees in egg cartons and other little treats after dinner (guest gifts).
When they are getting ready to leave and Rene is looking for his jacket, I quip, “Rene, we give guests all these little goodies, don’t you think it’s only fair we take something in return.” |
Johnny to Patty: “You look like a million dollars.” Patty: “Yeah, a million dollars that’s been through the washer.” Johnny: “No, you don’t look like laundered money.”
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| (Punching the second to last hole on the customer rewards card) Bookseller: “Oh look, you’re getting very close to your reward!” Elderly Customer: “In more ways than one!” Mary Jane Reed – G.J. Ford Bookshop, St. Simons, GA (Jen Campbell – Weird things Customers Say In Bookstores) |
| Patty to Johnny while cooking: “I don’t like carrying around a large knife when I’m stoned.”
Johnny’s retort: “What about when you’re angry?” |
| I was telling a friend how my construction management work schedule had changed from working only summers at Cal State Northridge to working every Tuesday, too, to get a head start on planning for summer construction. “I used to go back to work rusty from being off for such a long time,” I said.
Johnny chimed in, “Now she gets oiled every Tuesday.” |
| “I was afraid this bowl wouldn’t fit in the sink,” I said to Johnny about the huge glass bowl made in France that I bought at the Goodwill.
“That IS a sink,” Johnny quipped. |
| “Would you please stop writing in your books, even if it is in pencil,” Johnny said referring to my Poems of Sleep & Dreams he was reading.
“That’s the penalty you have to pay for reading them after me,” I said. “I’m going to erase everything,” Johnny riposted. |
| Patty: “The more I chew, the more I taste.”
Johnny: “The more I poop, the more I waste.” |
| Johnny: “Look at that blue sky.” Patty: “You mean faded blue sky.” (from smog) Johnny: “A big blue blanket.” Patty: “A faded big blue blanket.” |